That ATM story
This is the version that got submitted to the Smithsonian Last Page in December 2005 - no response yet. But they say don't expect one unless they're going to publish. There's still hope, maybe...
It’s grocery night; the ATM decides to make it worse. It refuses to release money I know is in my account. “Exceeds Daily maximum” reads the screen. How is that possible when I haven’t used the card in a week?
Somewhere in a never-ending maze of computer lines, there are ATM trolls laughing at me through the money slot.
When their homes were designed, these electronic imps decreed confusion shall reign. Some have separate keys for which account, what function, what to do, and where to go. Should I hit the button above or below the arrow on the screen? (They never seem to match up.) Perhaps, it’s the keys below the screen. Above the screen? Just hit the screen?
Go to a different ATM and you’ll just be more confused. Sometimes, you have to put in the decimal, sometimes not. If I want $20.00, hitting 2-0-0-0 might put in a request for $2,000.00. “Exceeds Daily Maximum.” Of course, hitting 2-0 might be a request for 20 cents. “Amounts in $20.00 Increments Only.” Does a session end with “OK,” “Cancel,” or a two-by-four to the access slot?
Another grocery night. A windy, spring day. A drive-up ATM. A recipe for disaster. The card goes in. The money comes out and blows under the car. I have to run over the bills before getting out of the car to pick them up, all the while praying they don’t fly away.
Have you noticed the “drum roll” when the ATM counts out your money? The electronic “little people” living in the ATM are not counting the bills. It’s a celebration! They have allowed you to have your money.
Receipts have messages ranging from “Have a nice day,” to “Go away, you bother me.” The receipt can give a detailed description of the account and transaction or a message similar to “Yes, you did something and we may tell you what it was on your statement.” (Please note: the friendliness of the ATMs and their messages is not directly related to the friendliness of the tellers in the bank.)
Keep your card secure, we’re told. Don’t use a Personal Identification Number (PIN) which can be easily guessed if your card is lost or stolen, we’re warned. I once came up with one so safe, I forgot it. The result? My card became a mid-day snack for the ATM, gobbled up with a vengeance.
Deposits are another adventure not for the faint of heart. Some ATMs give a slip to put into the envelope; some don’t. I don’t use the deposit function anymore because I’m always afraid it’s really a shredder. They seem gobble up the envelope as though they haven’t eaten a card in months.
Machines are everywhere - banks, grocery stores, malls, airports, railroad stations, work, everywhere. The various national networks allow you to get confused all across the country using the same card, forgetting the same PIN and, hopefully, hearing the same drum roll. I expect to hear about a home ATM soon. Although, would you have to go to another ATM to fill it?
Why do I use these metal monsters? I’m a glutton for punishment. Or, like millions of other working people, I just can’t get to my bank when it’s open to wait in line to get $25.00. Actually, at the ATM, you’ll have to get out $30.00 or $40.00. Remember? “Amounts in $10.00 or $20.00 increments.” No $5.00 except in the rare case of a rogue ATM.
Some machines are slow, some fast. Some, I’ve noticed vary from transaction to transaction. I imagine it depends on how many cards it has been fed by people forgetting their PINs.
I’ve lived this scenario many times – I put my card into an ATM whose screen appears normal. It asks for my PIN, I oblige. The machine goes through its little dance of noises for what seems an eternity. Finally, “Cannot Complete Transaction At This Time” appears. Luckily, this ATM is not hungry, so my card is spit out. The ATM screen displays the message I wish had displayed before: “Temporarily Out of Order”
It’s grocery night; the ATM decides to make it worse. It refuses to release money I know is in my account. “Exceeds Daily maximum” reads the screen. How is that possible when I haven’t used the card in a week?
Somewhere in a never-ending maze of computer lines, there are ATM trolls laughing at me through the money slot.
When their homes were designed, these electronic imps decreed confusion shall reign. Some have separate keys for which account, what function, what to do, and where to go. Should I hit the button above or below the arrow on the screen? (They never seem to match up.) Perhaps, it’s the keys below the screen. Above the screen? Just hit the screen?
Go to a different ATM and you’ll just be more confused. Sometimes, you have to put in the decimal, sometimes not. If I want $20.00, hitting 2-0-0-0 might put in a request for $2,000.00. “Exceeds Daily Maximum.” Of course, hitting 2-0 might be a request for 20 cents. “Amounts in $20.00 Increments Only.” Does a session end with “OK,” “Cancel,” or a two-by-four to the access slot?
Another grocery night. A windy, spring day. A drive-up ATM. A recipe for disaster. The card goes in. The money comes out and blows under the car. I have to run over the bills before getting out of the car to pick them up, all the while praying they don’t fly away.
Have you noticed the “drum roll” when the ATM counts out your money? The electronic “little people” living in the ATM are not counting the bills. It’s a celebration! They have allowed you to have your money.
Receipts have messages ranging from “Have a nice day,” to “Go away, you bother me.” The receipt can give a detailed description of the account and transaction or a message similar to “Yes, you did something and we may tell you what it was on your statement.” (Please note: the friendliness of the ATMs and their messages is not directly related to the friendliness of the tellers in the bank.)
Keep your card secure, we’re told. Don’t use a Personal Identification Number (PIN) which can be easily guessed if your card is lost or stolen, we’re warned. I once came up with one so safe, I forgot it. The result? My card became a mid-day snack for the ATM, gobbled up with a vengeance.
Deposits are another adventure not for the faint of heart. Some ATMs give a slip to put into the envelope; some don’t. I don’t use the deposit function anymore because I’m always afraid it’s really a shredder. They seem gobble up the envelope as though they haven’t eaten a card in months.
Machines are everywhere - banks, grocery stores, malls, airports, railroad stations, work, everywhere. The various national networks allow you to get confused all across the country using the same card, forgetting the same PIN and, hopefully, hearing the same drum roll. I expect to hear about a home ATM soon. Although, would you have to go to another ATM to fill it?
Why do I use these metal monsters? I’m a glutton for punishment. Or, like millions of other working people, I just can’t get to my bank when it’s open to wait in line to get $25.00. Actually, at the ATM, you’ll have to get out $30.00 or $40.00. Remember? “Amounts in $10.00 or $20.00 increments.” No $5.00 except in the rare case of a rogue ATM.
Some machines are slow, some fast. Some, I’ve noticed vary from transaction to transaction. I imagine it depends on how many cards it has been fed by people forgetting their PINs.
I’ve lived this scenario many times – I put my card into an ATM whose screen appears normal. It asks for my PIN, I oblige. The machine goes through its little dance of noises for what seems an eternity. Finally, “Cannot Complete Transaction At This Time” appears. Luckily, this ATM is not hungry, so my card is spit out. The ATM screen displays the message I wish had displayed before: “Temporarily Out of Order”
posted by GoJints at 1:48 PM
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